Its tough to pin point exactly what makes drinking longneck beer that fucking good.  Is it the glorious feeling of having a giant glass vessel in hand? Is it the increased quantity of beer you get at a slightly cheaper rate? Or is it quite simply the fact that you’re drinking a fucking longy.

Whatever it is, longnecks are pretty hecking neat.

So what the shit happened? Why did Australians drop from the glorious clutches of the longneck into petty grips of the stubby?

As any old browser will tell you, longys used to be the stock standard Australian beer size. Prior to 1966 (and the introduction of the metric system) 750mls were the standard in Bottle-Os. Heck, it was not uncommon for some beer companies to push quantities of up to 2L per bottle. So I’ll ask again, what the shit happened that we're left with stubbies occupying all our shelf space?

As always, my strong suspicion is that the criminals at the ALP and the scumbags in the Australian Liberal party put their meddling hands in this.

The governments have always tried to take shit we like. Remember when you used to be able to drink on trams? What about being able to go out in Sydney later than 7pm? Or the ability to ruin venues by smoking inside? Yep, the governments always tried to sap our joyful freedoms and you can only assume they had some say in reverting Australias common beer size to the stubby.

Despite the meddling governments, the longneck has never lost the support of the people. Just ask the “20 to 8 in the fucking morning” guy. This old cobber amassed millions of views on social media drinking a longy in the wee hours of the morning. Better yet, ask the 20k community ‘Arvo longys’ who are urging cunts to tip em in every god damn day of the week. It’s the peoples beer size and always has been.

So how on earth do we get the longy back to dominate Bottle-Os shelf space? Sure, i'll concede there is a sparse quantity of longnecks at the moment in an average Bottle-O. But how can we get  back to the glory days of the 60s? How can we get every browser on the corner drinking a 750ml on Friday afternoons?

I propose we demand the government to publicly denounce regular sized stubbies in bottle shops in favour of the longneck.

The demands are simple

1. Scott Morrison to name the official Australian beer size as 750ml.

2. The stubby to be renamed as a ‘novelty sized beer’ and all shelf space occupied by stubbies to be replaced by longnecks.

3. Longnecks to be served in slab sized quantities. The price will remain the same as current day slabs.

We’re not solving a botched insulation scheme here - we just want the longnecks reinstated as the regular, standard, official, Australian beer size.