33.9% of Massachusetts women and 31.7% of Massachusetts men experience intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner sexual violence, and/or intimate partner stalking in their lifetimes. These are the statistics based on the men and women who've reported abuse. Men tend to keep this a secret more often than women for many valid reasons. Close to 1/3 of our state comes home to some form of abuse on a long-term basis whether it be physical, sexual, verbal, psychological, or emotional. I'm a survivor of each at the hands of one man, the ex-husband. 

There were too many episodes to describe here but read further for a better understanding of why things must change when it comes to Abuse PREVENTION Orders in our state. 

Please keep in mind, we were raising two children together. The abuse lasted almost 20 years before I fully completed my "great escape". During the marriage, I was violated sexually, verbally, psychologically, emotionally, and financially almost daily. As a covert abuser, he was very careful about leaving evidence that may allow him to be held accountable for his cruelty. During explosive abusive episodes, he's tried to force me off of the road on multiple occasions, once with our son and another family member in my car. He would swerve over into my traffic lane in congested areas after chasing me to reach a high speed. His response to this behavior would be "It's not my fault you almost crashed. You can't drive." During one episode, the abuser put a cigarette out on my left hand while holding the other hand. When I broke my right hand free, I scratched his neck to stop him from continuing to burn me. I called the police. When the police arrived, they determined that we were just in a silly domestic dispute and I was instructed to leave my apartment for the night. The reason given: "Your husband is from another state and he has no family in the area. He mentioned that you have a sibling you can stay with here in town." The abuser had put on quite the show for the police with tears and all. His family lived 30 minutes away and the abuser visited them often. The officer didn't believe me when I told him that, but it's the truth. 

Currently and generally, you can be granted an immediate Abuse PREVENTION Order for 10 days after three incidents of being threatened or harmed by a family member or household member. However, the incidents must have occurred recently. 

During the marriage, I was granted 2 Abuse PREVENTION Orders and one renewal of an order against the abuser. The first one was granted because the abuser slapped my daughter in public, went home, and threw her mattress outside because she was taking too long to say goodbye to her friends outside of her Junior High School. Under intimidation, I never followed up on that order. 

The second order was granted after I left the abuser. He showed up at my workplace in a fit of rage. The abuser threatened my boss and co-workers and came less than 2 inches away from hitting my co-worker with his van as she blocked his way from chasing me out of the parking lot. He continued to chase me as I picked my sibling up from work, berated her co-workers, continued as I picked our son up from school chasing us, gesturing swerving all over the road beside us as we sped through the city waiting for the police to catch up to us, as they were called by my employer. He eventually wore himself out after 45 minutes of this. The police never responded to the call, so I was instructed to go to the police station. When I asked why there was no response to my distress call I was told that the call came in during shift change. 

The next day I was granted an Abuse PREVENTION Order for 10 days. When day 10 came along, I woke up to messages from the abuser attempting to deter me from going to court. "I'm going to kill you one day, ya know that?". 

Less than a month after the order was granted, it was violated. The abuser was found creeping around my apartment looking into my bedroom window by a witness. I called the police. When they arrived I was told that I would need video proof of this violation in order to pursue charges. 

What you've read so far is less than 1% of the abuse that I've endured at the hands of this abuser. 

When I tell you that the most recent order expired in 2019 and I went years blissfully healing and enjoying having no contact with this abuser with the exception of extenuating circumstances, does that information change the way you view this person? It shouldn't. He's the same person today, July 26, 2023 - our son's 24th birthday.

I've found ways to turn tragedy into triumph and used my experiences to better myself and others. The abuser gained knowledge that I started a  business in 2022. He's been trying to follow my social media pages and getting in touch with our son since the fall of 2022. He's been blocked from contacting me directly, so he has been manipulating our son into allowing him back into my life using speakerphone and sending messages to me through our son. 

Recently, my car was tampered with while I was in my apartment for less than 5 minutes. The only 2 souls outside of my apartment building were my son and the abuser. Since I have no proof that the abuser tampered with my car, I went to the courthouse the next day with the intention of requesting a harassment order due to the multiple phone calls and attempts to contact me. Per the clerk, I am only able to request an Abuse PREVENTION Order. The 10-day order was granted. I was denied the order extension because I didn't have enough evidence of imminent danger and I was not in fear for my life. I will never allow the abuser to place fear in my heart again and I will not be forced to say that I'm afraid. I will defend myself to the fullest extent as the court ruling, basically, gave the abuser permission to continue harassing me.

Four days after my request was denied, the abuser arrived outside of my apartment building to argue about our adult son's living situation while already on the phone with the police. We waited almost 2 hours for the police to arrive. The police suggested that the abuser and my son leave and they finally did. 

I returned to court the next day and I was denied an order, again. I wasn't given a reason.

I'm proposing the following changes be made to the process in which an Abuse PREVENTION Order is granted, maintained, and enforced. 

1. In cases where death threats have been proven via video, in writing, or by witnesses, Abuse PREVENTION Orders do not automatically expire. The Plaintiff will be required to return to court in order to have the order lifted if it's suitable for their situation.
2. Harassment Prevention orders are an option for all. 
3. Indications of the degree of abuse and the actions that should be taken against the defendant if the order is violated must be included in the order to assist law enforcement officers in determining whether or not to arrest the defendant. This decision should not be left up to an officer. Officers must be held accountable when instructions are ignored.
4. Each previously granted Abuse PREVENTION Order counts as an incident of abuse against the Plaintiff, as they were deemed necessary by a judge.
5. The Plaintiff's level of fear or documentation of such can be taken into consideration. However, it cannot be the determining factor in the ruling during a hearing in regard to an order being granted. The abusive behavior of the defendant will be the determining factor in the ruling.

In light of the most recent brutal murder with a bat in our state, we truly must change the laws against abuse and prevention is a great start. Those who've been contacted recently regarding this matter are listed below. I'm looking forward to a response. 

State Representative David LaBoeuf  - david.leboeuf@mahouse.gov - Phone:
(617) 722-2305

District Attorney Joseph D. Early Jr. - info@worcesterda.org - Phone: 508 755-8601