For the past 2 years, there has been a sequel to Labyrinth in Development at Tristar. While I am looking forward to this followup, I would like to request, nay STRONGLY INISIT that Montero Lamar Hill, better known as LIL NAS X play the role of the Goblin King, previously incarnated as Jareth by David Bowie. I submit the following reasons as evidence:

1, NO ONE CAN REPLACE DAVID BOWIE, and historically it’s proven it’s been a bad idea to try. Bowie’s inherent otherworldliness and glamor made him such a great fit to play against the inherent puppetry and theatricality of the world of labyrinth. His take on a character as a sort of Casual ‘Bored art freak’ was a perfect contrast to the giddiness and grotesque nature of his goblin underlings. Bowie wasn’t trying to be evil, he was just sort of being himself. His presence became so integral to the movie but I feel like it would be a huge misstep, try and rehash Jaeryth especially after his passing.  Instead, we should try and see what made Jareth such a great character and see how we can recapture that in a modern audience… and why Lil Nas X would just totally knock this out of the park.

2. THE GOBLIN KING HAS TO BE FABULOUS, Glamor is one of the big central themes of labyrinth. Things that are gross and undesirable vs things that are beautiful. The power of dressing up, the very notion of enchantment as a form of deception. Bowie brought this flamboyant Kabuki inspired rocker mentality to Jareth. A Dark, demonic vampiric like glamor to contrast with Jennifer connely’s pure more Mina Harker essence. Lil Nas X, literally got his start by taking country music and ideals and bejeweling the hell out of it. It’s hard not to see a photo of the man where he isn’t glittery, and most of all he makes it all look and feel effortless. Sure enough, Nas would further his glamor into the more dark and demonic direction in his Montero video and album cycle. He is a demon, he is temptation. Jareth’s crystal might as well be Nas’ fruit of knowledge.

3. THE GOBLIN KING IS SEXUAL, One of the bigger subtexts of Labyrinth as a coming of age film. Jennifer Connely on the verge of womanhood with Jareth representing the sexual other. The awakening of a larger mature presence at the end of the childlike years of innocent wonder. Bowie is a sex symbol as much a music symbol and I don’t have to remind of you of that if you’ve ever seen Labyrinth. Meanwhile, you have Little Nas X, an out and proud force of sexual energy. But it’s also sexuality with a sense of imagination, something animated and larger than life. It’s not just that they’re sexy, they’re fantastically sexy. The goblin king should be hot… and know it…. 

4. THE GOBLIN KING SHOULD BE A MUSICIAN . Unlike Lord of The Rings, or Game of Thrones, Labyrinth is very theatrical and a commentary on playing pretend rather than “High Fantasy”. When Bowie came onboard, his showmanship was capitalized by having him provide the music for the soundtrack and even a live number. And it works because it’s “a show”. By transitive property the “Sound” of the new Labyrinth should be dictated by whoever the current goblin king is. Lil Nas X makes straight up bangers, and it’s contemporary. Bowie was contemporary for his time, Nas X is contemporary for our time. The goblin king is not just a character, he’s putting on a performance. Whoever plays him in the sequel should be able to get on a stage and own it.

5. THE GOBLIN KING IS A TROLL, Above all else, Jareth exists to Troll the hell out of everyone. His role in the story is to mess things up, lead people astray and set the characters back. And Just look at Lil Nas X, a man who has successfully trolled the hell out of the entire modern music scene, from pole dancing with the devil, to a satanic shoe collab to going to jail, to dropping a FAKE CHICK FIL’A shoe, To fake apologies videos. To lawyer ads To clap back, after clapback, to- How can you not see this working by now?

Frankly I’m shocked Montero still hasn’t had any acting parts yet… and this is everything in his wheelhouse. He could be introduced by holding a bloody sword in one hand and with Jareth’s Severed head in the other, and then toss it aside and sit on the throne and be like “Yeah, whatever, I guess I’m king now.” Or have him enter every scene by having a pole descend out of nowhere and have him slide down it like he’s some kind of reality defying mortal kombat character. He could have a Gold Codpiece with his face on it, so that when he does upside down splits it could speak and say “One of us always tells the truth,” and “one of us always lies”. How do you not want to see Lil Nas X hanging out with a bunch of puppets. This would rule.

I don’t have any strong preference who takes over the mantle of Sarah, as long as Jennifer Connely has a suitably awesome cameo.  But the goblin king is the biggest face on the labyrinth poster. It should be someone who can change the game. Someone exciting and bold who would get people hyped.  And for me, it’s the one true new king.

Lil Jareth X.

Bow Down Before Him.